The Entrepreneur's Guide to How to Work on a Weekend
Chew your food slowly and rhythmically.
In 1990, the editor of The Boston Business Journal asked him to write a monthly column on entrepreneurship. Saying “yes” was easy. The writing wasn’t.
Ideas never came fast and furious. They usually came 90 or so minutes before deadline. He found the pressure of writing under the gun a mixture of agony and exhilaration.
The process often went something like this.
“Oh why did I wait so long? What if nothing comes. What if it already came and I just don’t remember? If that’s true, I just need to slow down and, for sure, I’ll remember.”
He tries so hard to remember but nothing comes. This is torturous. He wracks his brain until he remembers that every month he goes thru the exact same routine. Trying to remember a column idea which in all likelihood never existed in the first place.
This realization is soothing. His mind relaxes. He closes his eyes. He imagines he’s walking on the beach. He’s grateful there are no jellyfish. Like clockwork it happens. He hears the click. Like a tumbler in a lock, the column comes together in his mind.
He begins to write. Fast. Faster. Even faster.
Then he’s done. Usually 20 minutes before deadline.
Exhilaration.
His favorite Boston Business Journal column was “The Entrepreneur’s Guide To How To Work On A Weekend”. The reader comments blew him away.
“You’ve changed my life.”
“I want to repay you. What’s your address?”
“How did you find the words?”
“Whatever you’re smoking, don’t stop.”
Yep, good stuff. Kind stuff. Smart stuff.
Rescued from being trapped between two file cabinets for god knows how long. Maybe 33 years. No, that can’t be. He’s moved five times in the last 33 years.
We’re not going to waste all day on this.
What’s important is his killer column, “The Entrepreneur’s Guide To How To Work On A Weekend” is now available in its entirety. If your eyes are still open, give it a read. In some circles, it’s considered seminal.
The Entrepreneur’s Guide to How to Work on a Weekend
Saturday Morning
Arrive at the office at 9:00 sharp. Quickly count how many of your employees are working. None in sales. Zip in production. Zippo in administration. Good, you've got the place to yourself. Go into your office and sit at your desk. Stare at the pile of papers on your desk. Stare some more. Spin your swivel chair a few times. Announce to yourself, “boy, I could go for a cup of coffee.”
While you're out, stop at a newsstand, and buy some magazines. Go back to your office. To make room for your coffee and magazines, put all the papers on your desk into one big pile. Shove the pile over to the upper left-hand corner of your desk. Begin reading the magazines one-by-one, not skipping one article, one paragraph, one word. Stop only to notice how well you can concentrate reading when no one else is around.
At 10:45, take the pile of papers on the corner of your desk and slide them to the center of your desk. Prepare to divide the pile into four smaller piles marked:
Needs to be done today.
Needs to be done this week.
Needs to be done some time.
Needs something but you’re not sure what.
Position your wastebasket in the farthest corner of your office. Each time you have to throw away a paper crumple it and fire towards the basket. Go to the supply room and get a couple of pads of paper. Continue firing away. Bank shots, angle shots, off the book case shots, behind the back, swivel 180 degree around shots. Tell yourself if you hit 10 shots in a row, you'll take the next weekend off.
A noise. Quickly jump out of your chair, grab the wastebasket and stuff all the crumpled papers into the wastebasket, put the basket back in its normal place. Take the pile of papers and quickly divide it into four piles.
Start calling out, “hello, hello.” Hear a voice call back, “hello, hello.” Move towards the voice until at last you're face to face with a member of the building cleaning crew. Exchange pleasantries, and then ask if they wouldn't mind holding off on the vacuum cleaner; explain that you’re trying to concentrate.
They ask if they should come back later. You think to yourself, “hey, that’s not a half bad idea.” You take them up on it. You assure them you’ll be gone by four.
Go back in to your office. Sit down at your desk. Take the four piles sitting on your desk and put them back into one big pile. Take out a ruler and measure the pile.
Wow! Eighteen inches. Guess how many paper clips are in that pile. Quickly count the paper clips. 122 paper clips. Almost seven per inch. Wonder what it means. Wonder what time it is.
12:45. Lunchtime. Grab a takeout someplace. On the way back, stop at the bookstore Go to your favorite section. Business and Management. Notice the books that are featured. In Search of Excellence. Own it. The One Minute Manager. Own it. Looking Out For Number One. Own that, too.
What’s this new one? Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Steven Covey. Go ahead, pick it up. Read the inside flap. Blah, blah, blah. Read Covey’s bio. Blah, blah, blah. You think too bad Covey didn’t talk to you before writing his book.
You would have told him seven habits are six to many. You just need one. Work Smart. Chuckle as you leave the store picturing Covey’s book in the remainder bin a month from now.
When you get back to the office, eat your sandwich at your desk. Chew your food slowly and rhythmically. Why? It relaxes you. After a stressful morning, there’s nothing like a slow rhythmic chew.
While you do this think of all the fun things you could be doing if you didn’t have to work on a weekend. Wait. Stop! Bad idea. The fact is you have to work on the weekend Why torture yourself?
Look at your phone. Not a bad time to make some calls. Work smart. Really does sound so much better then Seven Habits of blah, blah, blah. Work smart. Work the phone. Be fast. Be succinct.
Call your spouse, and tell them you may have to work again tomorrow. Call your mother and say your really can't talk now because you are too busy working.
Call your employees and ask them where they left key files. If they're not home, leave messages. Make sure the tone conveys urgency. Call life-long friends, college friends, high school friends, long-lost grammar school friends. Call until your ear feels like it’s going to falloff.
Put your head down on your desk and try to take a nap. To help you fall asleep, count your employees, count your former employees, count how many months have 30 days and how many have 31. Don’t go near February because you’ve just never understood it.
If that doesn’t work, go for the sure thing. Count all 50 states. You’re good at this. What does good mean? You always come close but you’re always one or two short.
Alas, you are asleep. Dream. Dream big.
Wake-up in a pool of drool. Go to the bathroom and clean yourself up. Look in the mirror. Notice your receding hairline. Notice the bags under your eyes. Notice the start of a double chin. Notice your stomach hanging over your belt. Notice how depressed you’re starting to feel.
Notice how dark it is outside. March back into your office. Take the 18 inch pile of papers and march it directly to your office managers cubicle and deposit it on their chair. Leave a note that reads, “please handle.”
Notice how much better you suddenly feel. Think about all you got done. Yes, it’s been a good day. How good? Good enough to make the executive decision not to work Sunday.
Grab your coat, hit the lights, and leave. Wait, you're forgetting something. Turn the lights back on. Go back in. Walk through the entire office. As you do, take your time. Admire what you have built. Don't be modest, it really is quite something. It’s ok. Go ahead. Bask in self-glory. God knows you’ve earned it.
When you're done, hit the lights again, and scram.
Back to today…
While you just read “The Entrepreneur’s Guide…”, he re-read it himself. When he finished, he asked himself if he had the business today would he have an office? Probably not. No. Definitely not. After all he was in publishing. There isn’t a single function in publishing—writing, editing, art direction, sales, back office—that couldn’t be done remotely.
No. For sure he wouldn’t have had an office.
After that realization, he got a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. His column, “The Entrepreneur's Guide to How to Work on a Weekend”, which he encouraged you to read, might be so outdated that you didn’t get past the first paragraph. Which means you’re not reading this.
Wait a minute, Sally. Get yourself out of that rabbit hole. Offices still exist. Entrepreneurs still go to their offices on weekends. You didn’t stop reading. Yay me, he thought.
He felt better. The pit in his stomach was gone. He closed his eyes. He relaxed. He imagined he was at Wimbledon. Playing Djokovic in the finals. He wanted to avenge Roger’s horrible loss in 2018. The one where Roger squandered two match points in the fifth set.
Djokovic was no match for him. He polished him off in straight sets. Djokovic was a true gentleman when he spoke during the ceremony. He made no mention of his opponent being 71 years-old. He only said he lost to the better player. That’s class.
It was now his turn to speak. He decided to forgo the usual—thanking his team, the crowd and the Wimbledon organizers. Instead just six words, “Roger, this one is for you.”
As he was about to speak, he heard the click. Like a tumbler in a lock an idea for a new column came together. “The Entrepreneur’s Guide to How To Work At Home On A Weekend”.
He sat down at his desk. Opened his laptop. Prepared to write. Fast. Faster. Even Faster. Just as he places his fingers on the keyboard, the picture of him and his father catches his attention.
The picture that he never knew existed until his Mother gave it to him four weeks before his 70th birthday. The photo is 8 x 10. It was taken in Tulsa. It was the grand opening of his father’s Holiday Inn. As an amusement for the guests, a train, which the guests could ride, circled the property.
There he is at 4 years-old dressed in a suit, cute as a button, sitting on his Dad’s lap. They were seated in the train car just behind the engine. In the background was iconic The Holiday Inn sign.
The black and white picture was a close up of him and his Dad. The only close up of his Dad he has. He studies the photo. He’s flooded with memories. All good. Hard to believe his Dad died more than 57 years ago. Just ten days before his 14th birthday.
W is in the kitchen. Shouting distance away. He hollers, “why are old photos so damn bittersweet?”
She doesn’t answer.
He hollers again.
Still no answer.
He remembers a Warren Buffet story.
Warren was getting a check up and mentioned to his doctor that he was concerned that his partner Charlie Munger was losing his hearing. He asked his doctor what should he do.
The doctor said stand 30 feet away and ask Charlie a question. If he doesn’t respond, do again from 20 feet. Then do it from 10 feet.
The next time Warren saw Charlie, he did as the doctor advised. Standing 30 feet away Warren said to Charlie, “Charlie, do you think we should buy stock in General Motors?” Charlie didn’t answer.
Warren asked again standing 20 feet away. Still no answer.
He moved ten feet closer.
“Charlie, do you think we should buy stock in General Motors?”
Charlie said, “Warren, for the third time…”
As always, he laughs when he gets to the punchline.
He decides it will definitely go in “The Entrepreneur’s Guide to Working From Home on a Weekend”.
He’s very excited about this. He gets up and goes into the kitchen to share with W his new column idea.
As he heads toward W, she approaches him. Before he can say anything, she says, “For the third time, old photos are bittersweet because you can’t go back.”
He looks at W.
W looks at him.
He says, “Did I tell you the story about Buffet and Munger?”
W says, “A million times, Warren. A million times.”
The end
Do You Know This Man?: An Irreverent Memoir, is an ongoing exploration of the one character who eludes, confounds and mystifies. Me. Right now, it’s available for free, including being able to listen to some of my plays and dive into the best of Sportscape Magazine.
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